Just an ex-ex-gay prayer away?

The ex-ex-gay group Beyond Exgay is gearing up to hold its first convention opposite the Exodus convention in Irvine, CA.  Although the group uniformly faults “exgay ministries”, the major contentions seem to stem from ”bad” prayers and faulty christological perspectives. Since the convention will be fanning the fires of dissatisfaction regarding the failed expectations of the past, we thought it prudent to revisit one of the reasons this group has formed. 

“God make me straight, I used to pray nightly. It’s what every dissatisfied gay Christian wants more than anything. I would wake up the next day and sometimes get as far as lunchtime thinking maybe that was the day I’d wake up healed. But always it would end in disillusionment, the same feelings coming back, and I knew I wasn’t changed inside.” — from the article “Out and Cowed: Exgay in the UK

This represents a fairly common “prayer” or goal of some Christians when conflicted about their sexuality and the will of God.   See other examples here, here, here and here.   We are not arguing that the conflict is disengenous, but beyond the conflict what resolution should one seek?  What is the legitimate Christian path and what is the illegitimate path? For some, praying to be straight, seems good a path. For distinction purposes, we will call it the make me straight prayer (MMS).  It has often been said that God answers prayer, but does God answer every prayer or more specifically, the MMS prayer? If not, why not? The narratives of many ex-ex-gays suggest that the answer to their prayers didn’t come from God, but from themselves.  Perhaps they were influenced by gay church founder Troy Perry,  who announced God was ok with his homosexuality.  After years of trying to make himself straight, gay christian Jamie Nabozny said in a “coming out” manual,

“I walked as far as I could into a field. I was crying, praying, and hollering at God. I said, ‘I’ve read the Bible, I’ve prayed, I go to church three times a week. Every time I have a homosexual thought I rebuke it in the name of God and yet still I’m gay. Either youre not there, or you don’t give a damn that I’m gay.’ It took me a little while but then I realized God was OK with it. The God I really believed in was not a God that hated or condemned people.” [Resource Guide to Coming Out, pg 33]

The main dysfunction with the MMS prayer seems to be focus. Prayer has never been about getting God to give us what we want, but rather aligning ourselves with His will. As Jesus prayed, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.  If the will of God is for man to be holy (Lev 20:7),  but an individual prays to be straight, additional conflict is inevitable. 

How long does a Christian wait for God to answer before one decides that’s enough…and then answer his or her own prayers? Who decides when enough is enough? Again, stories from ex- ex-gays suggest at the least that God did not answer the MMS prayer. Other means were used to “reconcile” the conflict. This dangerous practice projects one into a rejection of God’s will and plan for man. 

Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools. Romans 1:21,22.

COMPARTMENTALIZED PRAYERS
At the heart of the problem with the gay christian movement’s understanding of prayer lies with intent.  First, only God can judge the heart’s intent (1 Sam 16:7), but the intent of one’s heart is eventually brought to light in behavior. That we can judge. Secondly, praying “to be straight” or to be “changed to a heterosexual” is no indication that (1) God is obligated to answer such a prayer and (2) the non-answer arbitrarily defaults to divine approval. In James 4:3,  we are told selfish, carnal prayers  are out of line with the will of God. The word “amiss” is translated from the Greek kakos, which means literally bad request. It is a bad request to ask/demand that God change just your sexual desires when He wants to change everything about you.  God has always been concerned with man’s total restoration, not just the compartments of one’s life.

Homosexuals and heterosexuals alike commit sexual sins.  Thus, being changed from gay to “straight” is not a biblical resolution, quite simply, because being straight does not cleanse one from sin. Actually,  it is a completely undesirable goal. Thus, God’s will is not to change sexual preferences, but transform life preferences. Consequently,  the intent of prayer should never be God make me straight, but God make me holy.

Holiness has a dominant characteristic of whole-ness.  This is vividly demonstrated in the 5th chapter of John where Jesus encounters a man who had been “lame” for 38 years. Read about it.

5And a certain man was there, which had an infirmity thirty and eight years. 6When Jesus saw him lie, and knew that he had been now a long time in that case, he saith unto him, Wilt thou be made whole?

In response to Jesus’ question, the man offers Jesus an excuse(verse 7) as to why he couldn’t get in the water. But he didn’t understand the will of God. Jesus’ question had nothing to do with getting into the water, but restoring his life and living.  Also note that Jesus ignored the man’s excuse (verse 8). Unless he was willing to approach his condition on God’s terms, he would have remained a poolside cripple for the rest of his life. However, God’s will was to make him whole (complete)  with an ability to function as a man in life.  David Rattigan and other ex-ex-gays in the gay christian movement you cannot seek God on your own terms. This is what created the sense of alienation from God by praying to be straight. Although you may have been sincere, with a valid sexuality conflict,  that within itself is insufficient. Although the blame for failure may end up at the doorstep of someone else, it only creates more unresolved problems.

Anyone who comes to God must believe that he is and that he is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him. Heb 11:6 

We  strongly suggest offering God all of you.   The only other option is to keep answering your own prayers.