READ right now: A life Redeemed
GCMW Note: Let us not forget that in the midst of a nation obsessed with force feeding us the notion that homosexuality is good, right and the best thing since a nickel loaf of bread, God is doing awesome things.
Even if homosexuals get every “right” they have ever lusted for, there will always be those who will find out that rights do not satisfy the brokenness of the human heart.
Where do you go when you have gotten all that you wanted only to discover it does not alleviate the pain, the hurt or restore your self worth?
There’s only one place to go. Or better stated only one person to go to. That’s why I wanted to share this testimony a young African American man in California sent to me a few days ago. Its a horrible story of confusion and spiraling out of control because of the lust for sin, and yet it is a breath taking story of the glory of God.
Read Marcos Antonio’s story in his own words and know that sin can only produce death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ.
A life Redeemed
I was 14 years old the first time I hadnt really told anyone about the attraction I was feeling toward other guys. I told my friend that I was “bisexual”, revealed it to her through this anonymous gay affiliated website. She accepted me, and I had begun to accept it as well, though not fully. My family then, one would say was quite ”religous”- but then not so religous. I grew up with a form of Christianity; I learned to pray, believe in God and liked to seldomly attend church. When i had began to accept the fact that I had these desires for men in me, I instinctively knew they were wrong. There was no one person in my life who really beat me in the head with a Bible, it was a truth I personally felt and knew it went against God. Because I was afraid, I chose not to speak about it. Which really hurt a lot more then the thought I had of protecting myself by not speaking, later on in life. So I confided in a few friends about it, but obvisouly with my outrageous actions, it was quite obvious what others identified me as. Whether it was in school or a stranger on the street, and also from home. From 14 to my late 16′s, I pushed myself in and out of the Christian faith to dabble into the typical high school party scene. I knew it was wrong for myself, but I didn’t really care. I didn’t care about God, Jesus Christ, or anyone, just me.
When I turned 17, my senior year, I decided to make a decision to fully live out a true Christian life, so I stopped doing all that I used to do. I began to read the Bible on fair occasions, go to a local church, youth Bible studies, and even hang with other professed Christians at the youth pastors house for another small Bible study. I thought I was a really good kid, but inwardly and secretly, I was a complete hypocrite. I gossiped about friends, tore them down inwardly and outwardly with my words, I didn’t have a real heart for anyone but for myself, I was a really jacked up friend. I struggled sexual thoughts of other men in my head, and I gave into them through masturbation and pornography. There were things in my life that I knew God was calling me to let go of, the music I listened to specifically, tv shows I watched, but I ignored Him. I wanted to just do what I wanted. Through the struggle with an attraction towards other guys, i would pray for God to take them away, so i could fully live a heterosexual life, which actually was not the lifestyle He was calling me, unbeknownst to me, because when He would stretch out His hands through someone to help me, I rejected it, out of fear.
This went on until I graduated high school in 2008. That summer, the battle within myself just got too much. Thoughts, dreams, felt like they would never end. So I was like “God, im not doing this anymore, maybe when i’m 25, then I’ll get married have kids, and do the whole ‘Christian’ thing.” So I did what was so eager in me to do, let go and live how i wanted to live. I also came out to my mom and step dad, which was really hard. But they never treated me any differently, they still loved me. For 8 months, I trashed myself. Before I turned 18 i was already out on the Hollywood streets looking for guys to be with. Young, old, it didnt really matter, I craved attention from any guy. When I turned 18, I began to hit the gay club scene. For the first few times, I was so desperate for my lust that I would take the public transit out to Hollywood, and indugle every bit of the night away, with no real way home. I immediately became promiscuous, and I didn’t care. I forgot about Jesus Christ, I forgot that at any moment I could die and end up in a place eternally separated from Him. A few weeks after, I met a few guys who introduced me to gay bath houses. I was a regular ever since. He later introduced me to extacy, as clubs got more boring, I used that to fuel me. Because out of everything I was trying to fill myself up with, in the end, it didn’t matter. It was like drinking fresh water only to have a huge whole in your stomach and it pour right out. I was never filled, never satisfied, never obtaining what I wanted. I remember one night at this hugely popular gay club, standing on the second floor and looking down at everyone, and feeling so empty. Thinking “this is my life”, I was very depressed. Clubs were no longer filling me like they once had been.
I knew what I wanted, but I forgot what I needed, the love and mercy of a Father. There was on one occasion that I became broke, and so to fulfill my vain desire of a dream I had then, I decided to prostitute myself off to some random guy. I had hit a even sickening low. I was following my hearts desires and all it was returning me with were regrets, and more heartache then before. I didn’t really know where else to turn, so I kept drinking, kept clubbing, kept giving my body to strangers I didn’t even know. I was looking at times for a man to love me, but daily rejecting the only man who could ever love me the way I needed to be loved. I became ruthless to my parents, not caring about their authority, and just using them for money. I remember a time when after a late night fling I ended up walking down the street in Hollywood in the morning, drunk and vomiting; no money, no nothing to get me home, just messed up, regretting the night before. Though I said I would stop, I didn’t. Nothing could stop my lusts from just continuously taking over, even though i knew it would still leave me sad and insecure, and empty.
It was April 24, 2009 a Thursday, when I hit an all new low, and for once, a true high., As usual, I was going to go to L.A. to do what I usually do. I had met a guy I was interested in online and we decided to meet, I did this regularly. I went off to L.A., visited the usual bath house, and met up later on with that guy. We drove to his house and we were immediately all over each other. He then introduced me to what I thought was some sort of medicine he said was for his A.D.D., I found out later it was crystal meth. I started doing what I never normally did, I cursed and cursed, letting of all morality I still somewhat held onto. There were other men in the house who I was also throwing myself all over. I also began to vaguely mention that i had been a Christian, but wasn’t anymore because I liked guys. The guy I was with needed to leave, so i stayed until he was going to come back. It was now around 11:30 p.m. at night. When he came back, his composure was completely different. Different then when I had first met him earlier. He was in rush to get us to leave, with his persuasiveness, I left with him. The moment we walked outside of the door, he started to infer about my previous Christianity, I was shocked to the fact of why he would even bring it up, then he casually told me that I needed to “repent”– I was in some mad awe shock. Seriously. I couldn’t believe what had just come out of his mouth.
As we got into the car, he began to tell me how, when he left, for some reason there was a Bible in his car, and he began to read it, pray, and something told him to get me out of the house. I was real scared. For the next two hours, was constant yelling and screaming, him trying to explain to me, and tell me to give my life to Christ, and me fighting, confused and scared. While we we’re driving on the freeway towards Long Beach ( my stepdad was a minister and I wanted to talk with him )- God really began to soften and call my heart, and I really began to think. The reality of the situation I was in, that I was living a life in direct disobedience to God, everything I was doing. And a fear of Him began to creep in. But I kept fighting against giving up my life to Him, I was scared and didn’t really know what was happening. The fact that I was on drugs was something that was also clinging in my head, and that the guy was too. But somehow I knew it didnt matter, Christ started speaking to my heart and mind, either i was going to stop fighting, or I would never give my life to Him, my heart would be so hard that at 25, if i were still alive, I would be totally and completely depraved. With just a hope for hell. So I made the decision to finally let go, and believe in the call that was happening now, and the life He was offering. I cried out to God, the guy and I both, for forgiveness. And after, I experienced this incredible amount of peace within me heart, like a huge weight that had burdened me for so long was finally lifted, i felt truly alive. And I knew i was forgiven, I knew what God had just done in me, and I left the streets full of tears knowing that God was going to carry me through it all. Drugs were not going to be a factor.
A year and about 3 1/2 months later, by the grace of a great Father, I am here living my life for Him now. He began to show me what true love really is, and how deeply and preciously that was displayed for me on the cross. For all that I did, it didn’t matter how grotesque, there was forgiveness and redemption because of what Jesus Christ accomplished on the cross. He died for all the sins I committed against Him, and rose from the dead to give me strength to overcome them all. The power of a Mighty God is amazing. Through Him I am conquering over every thing that will separate me from Him and life He was called me to live. Its not some repetitive therapy or counseling I went to, just a the reality of a loving and faithful God in my life. He began to work in me and is continuing to work in me. I live my life firmly believing in Him, never letting go or looking to turn back to a messed up life. I began to realize that not only with the life I was living was I hurting myself, but ultimately Christ, who bore all my sin. I was hurting the and rebelling against the very God who gave me life and breath, who even though I am sinful, continues to feed me and care for me. I know this real love and I don’t need to seek out emptiness in another man, there is only one who could ever comfort and complete me, and thats Christ. I can’t begin to tell you how much freedom I am experiencing, and true healing. My life belongs to Christ. I wanna dance for Him and praise Him all day long, and occasionally sing (LOL). With every gift He has given me.
This is a testimony to a true and living God who delivered me out of a lie, out of bondage, fear, and death. If He had not came for me that night…I know exactly where i would, either dead, or trying to drink water with a huge whole in my stomach at some gay club. Im glad He came to my rescue, and the reailty that He is rescuing so many other people from this life as well. Its amazing. Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. (2C1:3)
It’s not a hetero life, but a holy one. “And you can take that to the bank”- lol. : )
I pray that this blesses, encourages, shed light to any and everyone. Also that if you have a testimony, you would share with the world and be unashamed of what Christ has done and is doing in your life, and stand for truth in this world. Feel free to share this with the world.
29 comments
God is so real. Thank You Heavenly Father for drawing this young man to Yourself; thank you Jesus for Your blood that cleanses us from ALL sin. The grace of God is astounding. The New Living translations puts it succintly: “Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?” – Romans 2:4.
This is wonderful. Satan is a liar! Redemption and resotration is available to all who are open to receive it. I’m praying for blessings and blessings to fall on this young man.
Marcos, you are a living testimony.
Thank you Pastor! Amen!
Glory to God for the marvelous things he has done in this man’s life. I pray that God will continue to do a mighty work in this young man’s life and use him as a vessel of honor, fit for the Master’s use; and as a testimony to the saving, delivering power that God still bestowes upon all who call unto Him out of a pure heart!
absolutely speechless!
To GOD be the Glory for the great things he has done!!!
“Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.
Marcos, thanks for sharing this powerful and encouraging testimony. May you be richly blessed~
God delivers the oppressed. Amen
Beautiful and POWERFUL Testimony!!!!
Praise YOU Father God for your son Jesus! Thank you for the life that you placed in this young man!!!Praise YOU Father God!!!
I’m sorry but I fail to see the link between this man’s lifestyle and homosexuality. I am very glad he was able to pull himself out of the destructive behavior he was engaging in, but that is not true for all gay people. Some of us who didn’t want to throw out the baby with the bathwater are living lives blessed by God, that do not resemble the clubs, bathhouses, and drug addicted lifestyle most ex-gays come out of.
MM, is your failure to see the link because you dont want to see it or because you are unable to see it?
gcmwatch,
good question, but of the two options you gave me, neither is the answer to your question. At one point in my life, I did believe all that your site talks about. Not only did I believe it, but I wanted to believe it. I applaud this man for surrendering to God and allowing the Lord to pull him out of the destructive lifestyle he was living, but I do not agree with the conclusions. There are plenty of heterosexuals who are leading similarly destructive lives. I’ve come to realize it’s not about heterosexuality vs homosexuality but more about healthiness and holiness vs unhealthiness and being separate from Christ. And I can tell you that as a gay man who is walking with Jesus, the temptation to do these things is pretty much non-existant. It’s just sad to see that people feel they have to go between two extremes, either hedonism, or disconnected self loathing. Maybe one is the lesser of two evils, but that’s probably just on the surface level. So, gcmwatch, this is something I’ve spent years praying on and thinking on, so your question has no answer, as it just does not apply.
MM, I can only conclude then that your question was rhetorical. If there is no answer, then your comment should have never been able to evoke a question of clarification.
“There are plenty of heterosexuals who are leading similarly destructive lives.”
Very true, and you can search this site from top to bottom, you will never see us agree with heterosexuals committing sin in any context. Heterosexuality isnt within itself a qualifier of holiness.
“It’s just sad to see that people feel they have to go between two extremes, either hedonism, or disconnected self loathing.”
Its interesting you label this young man’s earnest testimony of his experience “self loathing”. I mean is it really self loathing to for a person to longer want to be what they used to be because they decided it was destructive for them? This sounds like your own prejudices projected onto him, rather than factual truth.
According to the scriptures there is no sanction for homosexual conduct and identification while simultaneously claiming to be a follower of Christ. Your premise (of holiness and wholeness) is correct but you are not living that when you walk in sexual immorality.
I feel for anyone who attempts to bring their unholy, unsanctified life into the presence of a holy, Righteous God! He requires us to be holy for He is holy. Sex outside of marriage is a sin. Period. Whether same sex or not, it is SIN! Since nowhere in the Bible does God allow marriage to be between anyone but male and fe male, if anyone has any kind of sex outside marriage they are fornicators!
No matter how you slice it or try to justify it, homosexual sex is sin because fornication is a sin.
Let’s not deceive ourselves, we ALL have sinned against God. But, if someone decides to keep sinning, please leave God out of your sinful life-calling yourself a gay Christian? We may as well have churches that accept people who call themselves lying Christians or murdering Christians or adultering Christians…how ludicrous! Yet there are those around us who want to slap their sinful life in front of “Christian” and expect the rest of us to be okay with it-not so! So please do call me narrow-minded if you want, but I’ll be going through the narrow gate/path, not the wide one that leads to destruction. God forbid we try to drag our sinful choices into Heaven. God forbid!
Drugs are bad. Glad he was able to get out of the drugs. Not all gay people go to clubs, get high, or prostitute. I know that’s not what you were saying in your article but you sure tied them together pretty much hand in glove. Why can’t you say that you are just abstinent if that is the case? I mean when you say you’re not living a hetero life but a blessed one, that doesn’t answer the underlying question of: were you changed by God into something other than bisexuality or from being gay? How you identify is how you choose to identify in my opinion. Nobody is a mind reader and if you say you’re gay than you’re gay. If you say that you aren’t sexually attracted to anything than I believe you. I didn’t know “blessed” was a sexual identity or orientation but if you say it is then I take your word for what it is. You don’t say it in your piece and for some people who might look to your posting for some answers in their own life, it leaves things a bit vague. To be honest I was a little confused (especially at the end) by your story but at least I’m thinking about it. Anyways, I commend you on your willingness to share your truth and hope you stay off drugs for the rest of your life and that you continue to be blessed.
Will God doesnt change us into heterosexuals. Heterosexuality isnt holiness and plenty of 100% heterosexuals will go to hell. He changes our passions, desires and most importantly our eternal destination. Should Marco live with or without heterosexual companionship is solely his choice. It is no sin to be single and heterosexual as long as one doesnt commit sexual immorality.
Ok gcmwatch,
Now I read your reply about 3 times and after each time I took time to try to understand what you said and I still am confused. IS desire not heterosexual feelings or; moreover, sexual feelings? Further over, aren’t sexual feelings under the umbrella of what we call desire? If what you’re saying is true then aren’t you saying that God changes sexual feelings or sexual desires? While at the same time you are saying that he doesn’t? Aren’t you sort of contradicting yourself or am I just not following? Are we to assume that Marco is heterosexual even though he said he is not living a heterosexual life but a “blessed” one. Does “blessed” mean heterosexual? Does God change homosexuals to a “blessed” sexuality? Why compare “blessed” to heterosexuality if there is connection? Is there a connection? I’m trying to not be anal, but I can’t help but question when all I see is a vague representation of what I guess is supposed to be Ex-gay Christianity. Who better to ask these questions to than Gay Christian Watch because you guys have it all figured out. If you can’t sit there and tell me that God can change you from being gay to straight (desires and all), then what the heck are you guys watching? You guys talk about apostate this and liar that but when someone asks the most fundamental question to your main argument you respond with a vagueness that surpasses if not all understanding then my understanding for sure.
Why do I get the feeling that you are going to just respond with something like, “pray for understanding Bro. Will”. If you do, then you will have convincingly proved my main point. Congrats Marco.
Will I didnt mean to sound contradictory, so thank you for these questions. When I used the word desire I meant desire in terms of what we see as important going forward. In other words, my desire now is to please God, not the will of my flesh as I did in the past. After salvation is God and his Kingdom more important to me than what my flesh may want at any given time? Its a matter of priority. Mt 6:33 and a matter of obedience Lk 9:23
God’s goal for us saving us out of our sins is not for us (those who have been homosexual) to become heterosexual. He said be holy for I am holy. Heterosexuality, in and of itself, is not an inherent expression of holiness. Holiness does incorporate the right expression of sexuality and yes that includes abstaining from sex until one enters into a relationship that is pleasing to God. In that is Marco,”blessed” because he is living his life to please the Father. Pleasing God the Father should be the #1 goal of any believer. The reciprocity of pleasing God is blessing or a blessed life.
I have never said (search this blog from top to bottom and any media interviews Ive ever done) God turns people from “gay to straight.” In fact Ive written and explained before how such a thing isnt the what the will of God is about. And the “exgay” thing is little more than a political residual term that has no bearing on Christian experience.
I welcome any question you have, no penalty to you.
Thank you for some much needed clarification. What you say now makes a little more sense. You’re saying that his desire is to please God which means he has no other desires other than pleasing God, am I right? Certainly he has no other sexual desires, right? I suppose once you become Christian you become a new creature and you don’t have these silly human sexual attractions because your only desire is to please God, that is if desires and sexual feelings can be compared at all?
GCMW: You asked for clarification and you got it, but your comments prove that the Bible is true.
Romans 8:5Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6The mind of sinful man[e] is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; 7the sinful mind[f] is hostile to God. It does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. 8Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.
You place a strict limit on the meaning of desire yet it is common knowledge that it can have many meanings. In what context are you using desire? Does context matter in this context? If so, why or why not? Marco does not have a desire to have sex with men? Marco’s only desire now is to please God which is not a sexual feeling, yet does he have sexual desires or feelings or whatever other word we can use to subscribe such things? Words can be manipulated and certainly interpretted in various ways which is why, I’m guessing, you felt the need to clarify?
GCMW: Standing on the outside looking in, you will never understand spiritual things. Your mind and your heart are unregenerated and thus spiritual matters seem “silly” to you. Its to be expected…To be carnally minded is death.
This does not answer the main question. You never said that God changes homosexual people to heterosexual yet the only sexual relationship pleasing to God is, as you say, a married loving relationship between a man and a woman am I right?
GCMW: Jesus said that. Maybe you should pray to him and ask him why he said that.
Now I would imagine that if Marco is homosexual and the only choices he has since God does not change his sexuality is to either be abstinent and desire(in a non-sexual way of course) God, find a woman and marry and love her even if you are not sexually attracted to her(I hear that part goes over well with the ladies), or …well I guess that’s it, right?
GCMW: Maybe that’s the problem, your imagination wont allow you to see truth. I would suggest you get rid of your imaginations and give your life to Christ. Things would be much clearer after that. Just like it was for Marco.
Like I said, you guys have it all figured out I suppose. Is it me or does your clarification need clarification or am I not following?
GCMW: Youre not following. You cant. See my response above about the carnal mind.
Again my point. If God does not change your sexual desires to line up with heteroseuality then what on Earth is the point? Is God not an awesome God? Is this the same God who sent his son to die for all sins?( boy I wish I could bold that last sentence) Throughout the bible people walk on water, survive getting eaten by large fish, part seas, make the blind see. And you’re telling me that he doesn’t change sexuality? What in God’s name is the point then? Why are you here? Why is this website even in existence if you are basically saying God has a limit on the sins he will heal regarding homosexuality? You must be saying that the healing is that he gives us non-sexual desire to please him aka “holiness”? Is that asexuality? Is Marco now asexual ala “blessed”? It just doesn’t make sense to me. If I were a pastor( I’m not) and I had to teach this, I would just say I can do all things through Christ who stengthens me. Do you disagree? If so, why and how can you? Oy vey! Good Luck Marco with that whole “blessed” thing, sounds like you’re gonna need it.
GCMW: Your questions are those of one who is spiritually blind. Just like Nicodemus asked Jesus “How can a man enter into his mother’s womb again? He didnt understand what being “born again” was about because his mind was unregenerated. Youre in the same condition. Remember the song “Amazing Grace”? You’ll never know what the “amazing” means until you get saved by his grace. I’ll leave you with that.
Why do I get the feeling that you are going to just respond with something like, “pray for understanding Bro. Will”. If you do, then you will have convincingly proved my main point.
I felt I needed to restate this since this is in essence exactly what you said. I’ll remind you.
“Maybe you should pray to him and ask him why he said that.”
You fail to address why you place a limit on what God can do. Instead you accuse me of spiritual blindness when in fact it is you who cannot see what is so blatantly in front of you and that is a simple question.
I quoted, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. For some reason this is tantamount to spiritual blindness in your eyes. If so, it seems very likely that there is a speck in in your eyes as well.
I am asking about rebirth. True rebirth. If you still have the same homosexual feelings, (and not even heterosexual) Why can’t God change them? Is that not rebirth or a miracle or something? Geez, it’s just a question.
To expound further:
Being born again, is something that is deeply spiritual and significantly rough for most people who are not connected to Christ to truly understand. Words won’t give it justice, its something I would say one must see with their eyes, and still wonder.
I would not define a “true rebirth” as a change in a persons sexual temptations; its not supported at all in scripture. Do I still face temptations by other men? Yes. And I am not ashamed to say so; simply, because it is God through His grace that strengthens me daily. He delivers me; why would God give me power and victory over something He intended me to be? And it is full glory to God that He alone has done this, and is continuing to do so. Its not me or a person who keeps me here, its the Lord. As I said in the writing, when God first called me, I rejected.
That alone is why I can know personally, strongly, and believe God’s condemnation towards the homosexual lifestyle. And any other lifestyle contrary towards the one He commands us to live through His word out of the grace that we have recieved. If you have not recieved grace, you will see no worth in turning away from yourself.
You will never know the meaning of the words of Christ in Luke 9:23-24 “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will loose it, but whoever looses his life for me, will save it.”
I will loose my life, so I can truly live. Its amazing to know your alive. mmhm.
Marcos Antonio you said: “Yes. And I am not ashamed to say so; simply, because it is God through His grace that strengthens me daily. He delivers me; why would God give me power and victory over something He intended me to be?”
what do you mean? Are you saying that God intended you to be homosexual? Or was this a type-o???
GCMW: Did you see his shirt in the picture?
brdavidson///
how are you inferring that from my response?
stay in context,please.
I indeed saw the picture and that’s great I’m happy for you, but I merely ask what you meant by the statement you made…….I’m still unclear about it…..”because it is God through His grace that strengthens me daily. He delivers me; why would God give me power and victory over something He intended me to be?” what hasn’t he given you power and victory over?
Meaning the victory I have over homosexuality and simly through Christ. Not from my own type of strength. If Gods will for me were to live a homosexual lifestyle, He would not of commanded me to to repent from it.
I think you may need to re-read it; I was saying God has given me power over it. The “why would God give me power over…etc..etc.” was a more sarcastic question.
gotcha now thanks for the clarification….
no problem!
LOL….the other guy at the bathhouse saw his “way of escape” in this young man, had taken it, and encouraged the young man to take it along with him! Praise God for that Way of escape!!!!! May god continue to bless you and keep you and your life, and may He enable you to continue to walk in life and liberty!
i sat here and i cried because i remember the many days in my search to fulfill my feelings of loneliness, i would go and find men to sleep with, but i always knew that is not what God called me to do, and for about a week now, I have been seeking healing and change…please continue to pray for me, man! God bless you for sharing your testimony!
gmcwatch, i also thank you for taking a firm stand even in the midst of many who will try to distort your words and come against the will of God that your site is proclaiming!!! thank you for being obedient, patient, and wise!!
Be Blessed