Exlesbian’s book gives truthful “behind the scenes” look at lesbianism
Editor’s note: From what seems to be a complex web in a life of bondage, a beautiful story of redemption emerges. Brittany Ursery used to be what lesbian subculture calls a “stud”. Then, she submitted her life to Jesus Christ and He changed everything. Now, a passionate advocate for freedom and deliverance from “the lifestyle”, the talented 22 year old wrote a book about her experiences “The Truth Behind the Scenes.” [website] And she graciously granted GCM Watch an interview about the book and her life after lesbianism.
Gay Christian Movement Watch: Part one of your book describes a sort of preconditioning you went through as a preteen. Things like name calling, your hormones, even distancing yourself from your family. Do you think that’s the path a lot of kids follow into homosexuality without knowing it?
Brittany Usery: Yes, based on what I’ve been told by quite a few youth I’ve talked to, they are preconditioned to accept homosexuality because of those circumstances. Just the other day a young lady told me how she always thought her sisters were more pretty then her, and how she used to get teased. She figured since nobody accepted her she would just rebel and turn to homosexuality. So those factors can and do influence a young person’s choices about their sexuality.
GCMW: For a person so young, your book is surprisingly insightful. Where does that come from?
BU: That’s a great question. After God brought me out of the lifestyle, various people that knew me asked about the change. So instead of telling everyone individually, I asked God how do I share it with a multitude of people at once. So he told me to write it down. So at that moment I sat at my laptop and before I knew it God brought my past to my remembrance and God basically wrote the book, and just used my fingers. He knew I was a willing vessel. But the insightful part just comes from whatever God had me write. I look back at my book sometimes and just know that God had to write that, because I can’t even duplicate some of the stuff that was said
GCMW: Is Behind the Scenes mostly for people your age or do you think its better for parents to read it and get some knowledge?
BU: The demographic age of the book is intended for people 14 and up. I suggest if the child has an immature mind, that the parent read it first, because I don’t want the book to do damage. The first few chapters when I express the rules in the gay community is definitely for parents, so that if they over hear their child saying certain words they will know what’s going on.
GCMW: You’ve described yourself as an EX-Stud. To some people that’s a radical thing. Why do that?
BU: I identify as an ex-stud, because when people see “studs” [female lesbians who appear to be men or masculine], they see them as rough hardcore females trying to emulate guys. So when they see me and they try to imagine me as a stud, all they can say is God is good, because I no longer have those stud qualities. Also you have to be bold in the life to be a stud, because of the identity issue. But as a fem or female that looks and acts like a regular heterosexual female they won’t get as many stares and evil looks; because their identity isn’t distorted as much as studs.
GCMW: Being an EX-stud do you need to work harder on your appearance and mannerisms than other women who get saved and is that important?
BU: Well before I got involved in the life, I was never sure how to portray myself as a feminine girl. So the only thing I have tried to work on is changing my voice back to feminine. While in the life I trained my voice to sound masculine, so that I could get more girls. Besides that I don’t struggle with wearing heels, I know how to go to the shop and get my hair done, and feminine clothes don’t bother me.
GCMW: Are there really “rules” in the homosexual subculture? And what purpose do they serve?
BU: Yes, there are rules in the African American lesbian lifestyle. For instance, studs don’t date each other. Roles within relationships must be flexible and two fems [lesbian who is feminine in appearance] can be together because society accepts that. These are unwritten rules that no matter where you go, they just come into play. When I look back now on the life and I see how juvenile we were, I just laugh. The rules are set forth to determine the popular lesbians from the not so popular ones. It’s definitely more in the young gay communities. Once you get past the age of 30, you no longer abide by the rules.
GCMW: That’s very interesting. And why do you think these “rules” exist?
BU: Well they do provide the subculture with a measure of structure, attention and popularity. But really homosexuality and its role rules they follow is a defacto existence. If they simply lived and loved the way God planned and intended those rules would not have to exist.
GCMW: Tell me about your own deliverance. I mean was there something in particular that broke it for you or it was just God’s time that you come out?
BU: Well, it was both. On august 8th 2007, I was at home by myself, washing dishes and I heard a voice. Very clear, the voice said “you need to call your youth pastor or today is going to be your last day on earth.” I heard the voice, but didn’t pay it any mind and continued washing. The voice repeated itself a second time. Then I stopped and allowed my mind to retrace. When I was 19, God spoke to me and I didnt listen and the result was me getting hit by a car. On august 8th, I ignored again but God spoke the same thing to me one last time. Finally, I got up and went to my mom’s room to find my youth pastor’s number and called her, but there was no answer. While in my mom’s room, something I cant explain in words came over me. I began to cry uncontrollably, all this pain and hurt from my childhood came up. The room seemed like it was spinning. I couldn’t stop crying. I called my sister and I couldn’t even explain what was going on. She called my mom and my mom came home. When my mom got there, the crying had stopped somewhat. But after I calmed down I felt this peace that I hadn’t felt in so long. It was a “chains being broken” peace, a “no longer bound” peace, an “eye opening” peace. My mom got the bible and laid it on me. And I said “Im out, Then my mom said, “you are free, no longer bound by that life”.
I went to work and asked to leave early so I could go to church. And now when I think about it, I know I was cleaned up because on my way to work and after I didnt even desire to listen to that music that had once polluted my ears. When I got to church I told my youth pastor what happened and she said she knew God designed me to be a leader, and the same way I turned females out in the church, I would direct them back to Christ. So the next day I got my hair done, bought girl clothes and did the girl thing. But I wasn’t fully sold out until the next day, when the most amazing thing ever happened to me. August 10th, I was at work. I didn’t tell anybody in the gay lifestyle about my transformation, because I didn’t want them to bring me back in. But while at work, I got a phone call saying “we are going to kill you today”. I went and found a bible in the store and started quoting the only scripture I knew. No weapon formed against me shall prosper. I told the Lord I know you didnt just deliver me for me to die. As time went by, I forgot about the phone call. Ten minutes before time to leave there was a knock on the door and 5 girls outside with bats ready to assault me. I nervously changed into some feminine clothes, (out of my work uniform) and got ready to leave the store. I was the third in line. As we walked out the store I heard the girls say, “where’s Brittany, where’s Brittany? I guess she didnt come to work today.” As soon as I got in my car I began praising God that his angels encamped around me and protected me from the enemy and they didn’t even recognize me. That’s when decided to go 150% for God and not look back. God delivered me from homosexuality Aug 8th 2007, but everyday I’m free from satans attacks.
GCMW: What’s your passion now that you have a book out and you’re sharing your testimony with others?
BU: I remember being asked what my passion was my senior year of high school, and all I was interested in was girls and basketball. Now my passion is doing the will of my Father, and if that means going out and sharing the gospel through my testimony, I’m willing to go. My main passion is just letting people know that freedom is possible, and there’s a God out there that loves them and wants a relationship with them.
GCMW: Is it important to tell others that you came out of lesbianism? You could just be generic about it. So why be specific?
BU: I like to be specific because homosexuality is one of those taboo topics which nobody really wants to discuss. So when you see a young lady like me, out here proclaiming freedom from something that to most people is unchangeable, people start to tell others, the message spreads and more people can become free.
GCMW: Brittany for females who are still in the lifestyle kicking it and saying sex with another female is cool, what would you tell them?
BU: Well, I give them the breakdown of my testimony. Then I explain to them that God gives people what they want. The due penalty for sin is death. So they will have to make the decision on their own. It also depends on the situation, because the Holy Spirit has directed me other ways on what to say. So when it really comes down to it, it’s whatever God wants me to say.
You can purchase [$15.00] The Truth Behind the Scenes at Brittany’s website.